My Birthday to Me

Warning: The following post is quite possibly depressing to read because today is my birthday. My 46th birthday to be exact.

I am not ashamed of my age. No not me. I've never been one to let the age part of it bother me. In fact I have always been one of those people who will tell you my age when asked and not play that guessing game that some people often do. You know what I'm talking about, the one where women always say "How old do you think I am" placing some poor sucker right on the hot seat. Sucker never knows how to answer this question and not hurt the woman's feelings. So naturally he always answers really lower than what he is thinking. So the age part is no problem for me.

The problem lies with the day itself. You know when we're little the day is all about us and what we want to do. We usually got a party which was ours, presents to open, well wishes and lots of cards. Heck we even got money to spend as we wanted. A day to celebrate us. A day to have fun.

I remember one birthday in particular which I will never forget. I believe I was in the third grade of school. My mother planned a party for me at school with all my classmates. Back then this was allowed, especially in a school our size. Mom had a special cake made in my honor. I remember the cake so well. It was beautiful and so unique at the time. I wish I had a picture to show you of it. The cake was a Barbie cake. An actual barbie doll stood in the center of this cake and the cake part was her dress. I was thrilled to have this cake even at that age. I remember the teacher cutting the first piece for me. Then I remember some little boy snickering and saying out loud for the whole class to hear "I wonder if Barbie is naked underneath"? The whole class laughed about this except me. I was mortified. I could have died while walking up to the front of the class to get my piece of cake. A birthday to remember.

As we get older at least in my case the day is not about ME or what I might want to do. It's just another day in my life. No one seems to celebrate it. No one quite honestly seems to even care. Except me. I have not had a party since I was a child. Hell I haven't even had a cake baked for me. Oh wait I take that back. My mother used to make me one and we had a special dinner. This however has not happened in years. Oh don't think it's been completely forgotten. I did have several people WISH me happy birthday, but no one done anything special for it. No surprises, no nothing. My Princess did go out and buy me a card and actually took the time to write some words in it. My trucker didn't even remember till around 8pm tonight. This really hurt. I know he worked all day and actually took his Rugrat 2 with him. That particular story to come later. I didn't expect much, not really, but flowers or a card would have been nice. Instead I got a text message. A freaking text message. I know truck stops carry cards as I have bought them myself. Do my family and friends think that just because one is getting older they don't want a day of celebration?

So my day is ending with me being depressed, sad and lonely. Sitting here with the computer for company playing solitaire. What a great birthday to me.