Sunday, March 30, 2008

Never Let the Flame Die Out

If it's one thing I have learned in my 46 years of life and being on my fourth marriage please ladies you can pick your chin up off the desk now and close your mouth, it's that each marriage needs to take time to always keep the spark alive. Never ever for one minute let it die down or flicker out. Often times it's to hard to get it going and lit again. Sometimes we all get so caught up in our own world's and life we forget about what's really important. Spending time with your husband's, s/o's and in my case your trucker.

When trucker and I first started dating we had long talks about if we ever got married how we would continue to have date nights for as long as we lived. How important it was to continue to do for the other and not take each other for granted. How we would stay connected whether emotionally or physically. We talked about how each of our marriages had failed, what caused this, how we both took blame of course not entirely our own, and what we could do to keep it from ever happening again. Should we actually ever marry again. We also talked about how even with both of us having children that we would still take much needed time without the children. Often times we both had seen many marriages fail because parents seem to forget that they are still individuals first and foremost. We all fall into a trap of sometimes calling each other mommy or daddy and losing our individuality and who we really are along the way.

We vowed we would never let this happen to us. No matter what we had to do, no matter how we had to do it, we would take and make time for US.

With our marriage approaching the two year mark we have done a good job of this so far. It's not been easy as anything worth doing seems harder sometimes. In our case what made it much harder was the fact that trucker is a trucker. When he first embarked upon this new career he was gone for a month at a time. Only to come home for at most four days. During those four days off he always made time for us. Every first day home was our alone time. As much as he wanted to go and pick up his children since after all he had not seen them for a month either he still made sure that first night home was all about us. It didn't matter whether we even left the house or not. As long as we had OUR time alone. I do have to say that very rarely we did leave the house that night. Heck we barely left the bedroom to be honest. One can only go so long without sex, or at least in our case. Give me a minute here while I pull my mind out of the gutter.......................

In the last 2 months trucker finally found a local trucking job. Now he is home nightly and every weekend. However his hours are so long that most evenings he is asleep within 30 minutes of arriving home. Leaving very little time for US. Each weekend we have the RugRats and my DD is always here except those nights she goes out driving or spending the night with friends. So our US time had seemed to fall by the wayside in so many ways. We got caught up in regular day to day life. Not taking our time together. Last Wednesday was my birthday and if you read my blog daily you know how unhappy and alone this day felt for me. I had been cooped up for lack of better wording for over a month in our house. I needed time out, alone, together, and emotionally to connect again with trucker. I felt like I had been pushed to the back burner and my flame was dwindling down with little hope of flickering back to life. I didn't want to say how I felt or even try to explain to trucker how I felt for my fear of feeling like I was being needy. But I was feeling very very needy. I felt unappreciated and disconnected from trucker and life around me. I guess I was or am depressed.

Without me having to say anything trucker caught on. He was and is so emotionally connected with me that he knew what I needed. To my surprise he had planned a belated night out alone with me last night. He had my DD watch the RugRats and took me out. The night was about US reconnecting, spending our much needed time alone. We both came home renewed, refreshed and rejuvenated. Oh how we needed this time. We both woke with huge smiles on our faces and happy. For once in a long time it didn't matter to me whether Sponge Bob Square Pants was blaring in the background this Sunday.

Never let your flame die down or flicker out.


Izzy Rose said...

Hi Ms. Trucker,

Thanks for commenting on my site and leaving me a way to find your blog- I love the concept- writing about life as a trucker's wife. I want to know more.

Curious- how you found my site- are you a stepmom?

Anyway, I will be back to visit you in Arkansas.

Izzy Rose.

Treasia said...

Hi Izzy and glad you found my site as well. In answer to your question about being a stepmom, yes I am one. When I married my trucker two years ago I became one at that time. It has and still is taking a lot of adjusting on my part being a stepmother.

As to how I found your blog: I believe it was through another blog reader I had read.

I hope you stay with me as I have bookmarked your blog as well.

jennifer h said...

It's good advice for all of us. I'm glad your trucker man picked up on the clues and spent some time with you. (Huge smiles are a good sign!)

Thanks for stopping by my place, and for your comment. I'm always excited to see a new name, and I'm adding your site to my reader!

Treasia said...

Jennifer thank you for adding me to your reader. I have been reading yours for a few weeks now and so enjoy it.

Meg said...

T!! This is such a great post! I am so glad you guys had an evening out to reconnect and make your bday special!