Sunday, January 18, 2009

Begin Again Part 2

Mom and Dad had no idea at all that we were there, outside their back door. In fact I had not seen them for about two weeks or talked to them. They had driven up to see me a few weeks prior to visit and make sure I was doing OK. I had been hurt in an accident at work and had ended up with massive amounts of stitches in my face, broken thumb and a busted up knee cap.

I was a sight to see the day they came to visit. I still had those stitches and a thumb splint on and walking on crutches. I was also outside hobbling around using a rake. So was Princess as well. We were attempting to rake the yard at our house site. Yeah you couldn't call it much more than that because we lived in a travel trailer on a few acres of land down the road from the ex's parents house. I think back now and can't imagine ever letting myself live in those conditions. Worse I can't imagine having put Princess in those conditions. We shared (the three of us) a very small travel trailer with no running water. We did have electricity which the ex had stolen (from the way he hooked it up) from the electric company. For some reason I can't quite fathom now I thought I loved this man enough to have placed Princess and I in this position.

I wish I knew (even after all these years) why I thought when you loved someone you had to suffer things. Love is not like that. I had been told years prior to marrying number 3 that since I was a health care worker, I thought I could help and cure everyone. I had that type of nurturing personality. I took in strays and thought I would make their lives better. I guess in many ways I did. I enabled them to continue their drug habits, their drinking habits and their horrible lifestyles. All the while bringing mine and Princess's down.

That day mom and dad came was one of embarrassment to me. It always was when my parents came to visit. I guess because deep down inside I knew they were right, I was better than what I was living.

That day was also the first anniversary of our wedding. In that years time I had gained nothing, not one thing. I had went from working as a respiratory therapist, to moving half a dozen times, giving up a career I loved to working in a motel as a desk clerk to living in a nice house to a travel trailer. What had happened to me?

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Princess and I walked through that door with our heads held high and tears running down our faces. I remember my parents were sitting at the bar in the kitchen eating their supper and looked up at us in shock. Princess and I looked like a couple of dirty homeless people carrying our little ditty bags with us. The first words out of my mother's mouth was "Well it's about damn time you came home". I burst into tears and they both got up and hugged us close. The tears continued flowing for a long time. Not so much in sadness but in the joy that I knew I wouldn't go back. I knew when I came that far that there was no turning back for me.

I slept better that night, snuggled next to Princess, than I had in years. I was at peace and safe.

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To be continued..................

11 comments:

Grandma J said...

How fortunate that you had the sense to know when enough was enough, and your parents where there to welcome you home.
God bless.

littletoesandcheerios said...

I don't know why as woman we let ourselves become second to everything. I'm so glad you finally put yourself first and left. I think sometimes we just get in a rut, get numb and blind to it all. Good for you, can't wait to hear more!

Estela said...

It's amazing what we women do for (what we think is) love. I went from a loving home to a tiny wooden shack someone loaned us, no running water if the canal next to it was empty :-(

At the time I thought I could hide how I was feeling from my parents, but parents always know. I, myself, am a parent now and it's my turn to console my 26 y.o. daughter.

That which doesn't kill us only makes us stronger...

Estela in South TX

Gail said...

It is good, we can always go home again.

Mental P Mama said...

What a blessing to have them being there for you both.

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

All roads lead home chickie. But you already know that.

Snooty Primadona said...

I hate hearing that you had to go through all that, but what doesn't kill us really does make us stronger.

Besides, there was trucker waiting for you out there...

XoXo Meg! said...

You are so strong and beautiful and richly blessed to have your parent. I love you sista!

playsdolls said...

I was there once and it took a few years for me to figure out I was better than that.I took my two baby girls a nd went home to my dad and step mom.A few years later I found the most wonderful husband who has taken care of me ,my two babies and our two babies for 30 years now.Sometimes I think we have to go through the bad to get to the best.

Charlotte said...

A Sad story with a happy ending. I like that. I came here from Charlotte's Robins Nest. I was drawn to visit her blog because we share the same name. I saw your link on her sidebar and came here because of the name of your blog. I am not a trucker's wife but I am a trucker's daughter. My Dad drove trucks until he was almost as old as I am (72). Today would have been his birthday and my post on one of my blogs is about him. (The At Home in Scottsdale one).
It's nice to meet you.
Charlotte

Charlotte said...

Sorry. I misled you. The post about my Dad is not on that blog. I have 3 and a half blogs so I got confused. The one about my Dad is at http://char72.wordpress.com/