Sunday, April 20, 2008

Who I Am

One of my favorite blogs to read daily is Snooty Primadona's and a song on her play list gave me the idea for today's blog post. I had never heard this song before and absolutely fell in love with it. It seems to sum up how I feel about having reached middle age to a T. I have had many many lives in my life. To me this makes perfect sense. Over the course of my life I have been many things with various personalities at one time or another. All of which were me during this time and have made me into the person I am today. Those different personalities gave me the wrinkles, the lines grooved into my face from smiling widely, the crinkles on the corners of my eyes from the same, the scowl in between my eyes from worry and doubt, are all a part of me. I also had lots of growing up to do along the way and many wrinkles from this. I learned that at some points I didn't like the ME I was and never want to go back to some of those things again.

Looking back I see myself in so many different ways. Some of which were great and some definitely not so great. However they are all me, good and bad. They tell the Story of my life.

I married young, right out of high school to my sweetheart and had one child at 20 then another at 28. We were married for 15 years and grew up together. It's natural I think to grow up and want different things out of life. This happened to both of us. However today he and I remain good friends. It was a long process for this to happen after divorce but we did it.

Then later I married again to Asshole 1. He took me on a different path in life. Maybe I should say I let myself be led down a different path, for no one held a gun to my head. This path was one of the beginning of self destruction. I married him at the age of 33 and was introduced to a completely different lifestyle. One in which I am not proud of but again was part of what made me who I am now. We were married for four years. Then I woke up or so I thought.

Shortly after, I married Asshole 2. Even worse than number 1. You see I still had much more growing up, learning and living to do. I remember my old boss from the hospital telling me at one time that those in the field of health care felt the need to cure and fix those that were broken. Why did I feel this need knowing inside it was hopeless and damaging to not only myself but my Princess. Again the second part of my self destruction. Only this time I took Princess on the ride with me. This second time around I finally learned and grew up. Never to make those mistakes again.

I feel so lucky and blessed to have met trucker at the age of 43 and for being able to share the second half of my life with him. No one understands or has ever understood me like he does. Sometimes I have wished he was around and part of my life before the last three years, but if this were the case I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't have lived those personalities or had that same life and without that I wouldn't be ME.

The story of my life so far as been one of many different lifestyles, many different personalities with many more to come I am sure. This time around I have someone in it with me for the long haul. Pun intended!!


Blogarita said...

I think a lot of us can relate to your story. Still, you're courageous to share it.

I'm happy you are in good, healthy relationship now.

forsythia said...

Hi, I know I am going to enjoy visiting your blog. I will be back often. I never know where to leave comments about comments made on my own blog...if you return to my post about my mother and her non-existent social life, you'll see my comment on your comment.

A question: why is your town named Marked Tree? Is it something to do with dogs or is it the logging industry?

kacey said...

I think a lot of us find happiness after we "grow up". I'm glad you found yours. I think the important thing is to learn from "mistakes" or choices that we made, and move on. Too many people wallow in the old choices and never move on.

Mental P Mama said...

What a great post. So many people never even begin to learn their lessons. Good for you, and I wish you nothing but continued happiness. I love that song, too!