Wednesday, April 23, 2008

It was bound to happen

After two glorious days of being in a wonderful mood, sleeping well at night and just enjoying my time outside it was bound to happen again. I should have known it, should have felt it coming but somehow I didn't. "What's that?" you ask? Let me tell you. It's ME, waking in the middle of the night and being a real bitch in every sense of the word. Yes, sometimes it happens to the best of us.

Have you ever woke up in the middle of the night and looked over at your hubby and just thought to yourself how nice it would feel to slap the shit out of him? I do on the rare occasions have these horrible thoughts. Of course I would never act on them. Shame on me, but I do think them. He hasn't done the first thing really to make me feel this way, except that he can sleep well at any time, any place and whatever position he happened to lie down in. Hell he doesn't even have to be in a particular position!! Me, on the other hand, I have to take a sleeping pill and hope and pray to God nothing moves in the bed or makes a slight noise or I am awake once more. God forbid I have a hot flash like last night and disturb my slumber.

This is how I woke at 12:30 am today. Sleeping next to a built in electric blanket does not help when this happens. I woke, threw the covers off, looked at my trucker thought my horrible thought, grabbed the air conditioner remote control and aimed it. Nothing happened. It wouldn't work. I tried to lower the thermostat for a couple of seconds which seemed like an eternity and it wouldn't cooperate at all. Now mind you the air conditioner is only maybe three feet from me and I could have gotten out of bed and turned it down manually but hell I was irritated and had sweat dripping off my chin and running down between my breasts. So instead I threw the remote at it thinking this would work. Well needless to say it didn't. It only awakened trucker that asshole who for some damn reason thought this meant he should reach out and attempt snuggling. If there are any men reading this, just because a woman moves during the night, this is not a sign of a sexual advance to you. Attempt your next maneuver with caution. For trucker lived to regret it.

15 comments:

Beth from the Funny Farm said...

Hahahahaha! I can so picture this from start to finish. And, yes, I have had those thoughts! lolol!!!

forsythia said...

Sorry to hear about your bad night. This, too, will pass. I guess this is not the time to tell you that, although I DO remember the difficulty in sleeping, I only remember 2 or 3 hot flashes in my whole life. However, I know they are real. I will never forget the one that occurred when we went to a party in a house that was absolutely chilly despite a heat wave. They must have really cranked up the A/C, because, at first, I wished I had brought along a sweater. And then it began: unmistakable waves of warmth, despite the blasts of Arctic air.

Nancy said...

I too am sorry you had a bad night. I have quite a few of them myself, but the way you wrote this was funny as hell!

So you only think about slapping the hubby at night? I think about slapping mine most of the time! LOL (okay, I'm exaggerating...a little)

Hot flashes are the worst!

Ranch Mommy said...

Oh, what a great post!! I have an almost 2 year old who has been waking up a couple times during the night throughout the last couple of months. Does my husband hear and go help her out. Oh no, it's just me. He can sleep through anything.....ARGH!!

Snooty Primadona said...

OMG! I'm sorry, but this cracked me up. Slapping the shit out of my sleeping husband is something I've wanted to do for 30 years!!! LOL. Thanks for putting my inner feelings out there so eloquently.

I got lectured by the temperature nazi again last night about not turning it below 70 degrees. Grrr! I might have to seriously hurt him. Soon. Why didn't God give men hot flashes too? This is just so NOT RIGHT!

cce said...

LOL...it's so true, we even turn over and they're thinking SEX. Like that's a possibility when in the midst of a hot flash and an insomnia episode. I actually can't remember the last time we had spontaneous middle of the night, first thing in the morning intimacy. That's for twenty-somethings I guess. Sigh, I miss it.

Treasia said...

Beth-Always nice to know others have the same sort of thoughts. Makes me feel so much better.

Forsythia-My husband says I'm like the weather, cold one day and hot the next.

Nancy-I too think of slapping trucker at other times as well. However he is so in tune with me he can take one look at my face and know what I'm thinking. So I have to be careful with those thoughts in daylight hours. haha.

Ranch Mommy-Trucker has been known to sleep through a tornado!

Snooty-No need to apologize about laughter. When all was said and done I laughed at myself over it. Trucker has learned not to complain about the temp. It's hard for him to talk under his pile of covers.

Mental P Mama said...

This was too funny for words. My poor husband just gets up and walks into the guest room when I start my middle-of-the-night pissing and moaning. But then, I just lie there wide awake, and watch Nick at Night. I have seen every Fresh Prince and Roseanne there is to see. And I am starting to enjoy George Lopez. So, yeah, I totally feel your pain.

Snooty? temperature nazi? You need to trademark that!

Treasia said...

CCE-If I snore trucker thinks its a sign of a sexual pass. I miss the hell out of spontaneous sex myself.

Mama-Me and the TV have become bestest of friends lately. When trucker gets really tired of it he sleeps on his truck. He's been doing a lot of that lately. haha.

ed said...
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Wendy said...

Thank you for the smiles today!! As I am sitting here laughing! Tony is exactally the same way and can sleep through any thing! Have a great day :)
Wendy

linda said...

Stopping over from Wendy's...

From one menopause momma to another, I feel your pain sister! It is HELL sometimes isn't it!?!

Thanks for the laugh though!

Sarah @ Mum In Bloom said...

OMG you had me laughing out loud! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Natasha said...

I have had those same thoughts this weekend! Hubby decided to re-live his past and to have a game of cricket-parents against kids-and guess who broke his arm this weekend and has stopped us from going to the beach for our annual Easter beach vacation!? Ang guess what? The other male in our house, my 10 year old son, also broke his wrist the day before...
AARRGGHH.

Thanks for making me laugh-I am so glad that Wendy introduced me to you!

Best wishes,
Natasha.

Deb @ Confessions of an Ugly Mom said...

Stopping in from Wendy's. Though I'm the opposite in the temperature department, my hubby sleeps through everything, and deeply. He often will yank me off my side of the bed or grab me like a pillow and wad me under his arm -- and while completely asleep. (Him, not me!) Men.