Giving up something you love so much

I swore to myself years ago I would never, ever become attached like this again. I made a vow people to myself that I would not let it happen. Never to let it hold even a tiny portion of my heart. However it was love at first sight. A deep heartfelt love that grew over time and kept growing long after it should have. It's my cocaine, my addiction, my speed. It breathes life into me each day. It's the last thing I touch at night, the first thing I swoon over and hold precious in the mornings even before my much loved coffee and family. I kid, I kid, well maybe? Why, oh why, did I fall again and so hard. How could I break a vow to myself this way? Am I weak?

Who would have ever thought such an inanimate object could draw me in and make me love them? Often times beckoning me throughout the nighttime. Calling my name over and over again, begging me to come stroke it, love it and give it hugs in return.

and now, it is dying. I have seen the blue screen of death stare back at me (twice in a weeks time), mocking me. Reminding me yet again that I am weak and how I fell and fell hard.