I have spent the majority of my life working outside the home until the last two years. I always thought I wanted to be a SAHM and longed for a time I could actually do this for myself and my Princess. When I married Trucker he gave me this wonderful opportunity to do just that. I have to say though that it wasn't to me what it is cracked up to be. While for a great deal of it I do enjoy it is not what I want to do. and most definitely not what I want to do the rest of my life. It is not at all what I had envisioned in my head all those years prior to it. I had dreams of taking Princess to activities, being a part of the PTA, baking cookies, cleaning house, doing some remodeling, taking yoga classes, and maybe joining a gym. Having time to do what made makes me happy. Princess has reached an age to where she takes herself to activities, I hate baking now, I never joined the PTA or a gym, and you can only clean so much house. Well I guess that is a lie about cleaning house, but I only care to do it so often anyway. Though clean it is, it is not like my mom's where you can eat off the floors.
What I have found out about myself is this: Work is what makes me happy! Not that being a SAHM is not work, oh lord, because it is. But to me it is not fulfilling enough to make me happy. I am a people person and find myself to be happiest surrounded by fellow workers. I miss the camaraderie of being around adults. I also have to say I miss having things to talk about with people. Trucker most especially. I never have anything new to discuss with him. His days are busy and he always has things to talk about. Me, on the other hand, all I have to say is "well I cleaned the downstairs today, tomorrow will do the upstairs". Oh how exciting that conversation is.
When I was a single mother working two jobs before meeting and marrying Trucker I had made a vow to myself that if or when I ever married again I would never, ever be dependant upon a man again. For at that time I learned what taking care of myself was for the first time in my adult life. I learned that I could do it, I could raise my daughter alone, enjoy being alone and make my own decisions. I enjoy the feeling of independence that I have when working. I also enjoy the extra bit of money to do those extra things in life. Such as maybe joining the gym I never had the money for, going on vacations with the family, and feeling as if I am a productive member of society.
Since Princess only has one more year of high school and then be off like a little bird to college, then it's time to do something for me. I have decided to return to work. I am now ready for the second half of my life. This time it's going to be for ME.
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