Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Second Phase for ME

I have spent the majority of my life working outside the home until the last two years. I always thought I wanted to be a SAHM and longed for a time I could actually do this for myself and my Princess. When I married Trucker he gave me this wonderful opportunity to do just that. I have to say though that it wasn't to me what it is cracked up to be. While for a great deal of it I do enjoy it is not what I want to do. and most definitely not what I want to do the rest of my life. It is not at all what I had envisioned in my head all those years prior to it. I had dreams of taking Princess to activities, being a part of the PTA, baking cookies, cleaning house, doing some remodeling, taking yoga classes, and maybe joining a gym. Having time to do what made makes me happy. Princess has reached an age to where she takes herself to activities, I hate baking now, I never joined the PTA or a gym, and you can only clean so much house. Well I guess that is a lie about cleaning house, but I only care to do it so often anyway. Though clean it is, it is not like my mom's where you can eat off the floors.

What I have found out about myself is this: Work is what makes me happy! Not that being a SAHM is not work, oh lord, because it is. But to me it is not fulfilling enough to make me happy. I am a people person and find myself to be happiest surrounded by fellow workers. I miss the camaraderie of being around adults. I also have to say I miss having things to talk about with people. Trucker most especially. I never have anything new to discuss with him. His days are busy and he always has things to talk about. Me, on the other hand, all I have to say is "well I cleaned the downstairs today, tomorrow will do the upstairs". Oh how exciting that conversation is.

When I was a single mother working two jobs before meeting and marrying Trucker I had made a vow to myself that if or when I ever married again I would never, ever be dependant upon a man again. For at that time I learned what taking care of myself was for the first time in my adult life. I learned that I could do it, I could raise my daughter alone, enjoy being alone and make my own decisions. I enjoy the feeling of independence that I have when working. I also enjoy the extra bit of money to do those extra things in life. Such as maybe joining the gym I never had the money for, going on vacations with the family, and feeling as if I am a productive member of society.

Since Princess only has one more year of high school and then be off like a little bird to college, then it's time to do something for me. I have decided to return to work. I am now ready for the second half of my life. This time it's going to be for ME.


Blogarita said...

Good for you! I think it's great that you recognize what will make you happy and are able to work for that reason alone.

I'm just the opposite. When I was younger, I never expected, or even wanted, to be a SAHM. After being a SAHM for most of the last 8 years, I find I love being alone, don't especially like being out around people all day, and am more fulfilled taking care of our home than I ever was working somewhere else.

What kind of work will you be looking for? Any leads yet?

Leighanne said...

I understand how you feel. I choose to work to keep my sanity. Think of it this way, you have the luxury of picking the job you want versus just needing the first one available. Go for it.

On the aluminum foil issue...apparently the shiny side reflects the heat back towards the food and helps cook the food faster.

Mental P Mama said...

I am in the same boat! What are you going to do???

sista #2 said...

Good for you!
I stopped working May 1st...took the summer off and then I am going back to school in August!!!

I am going nuts being home....good lord mad crazy I tell ya.


Meg said...

Good for you! So, have you decided what you want to be when you grow up?

Egghead said...

Well I have always worked outside the home when what I really want to do is stay home and just be domestic. I love being home and never am bored. I have an over abundance of hobbies and work to do inside and outside. Plus I love to take care of my grandchildren so I'm waiting for the day I can stay home. I guess we all want what we don't have.