Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Be Careful What You Ask For, You Might Really Get The Truth

Trucker and I spent the day together yesterday once again while he worked. He had deliveries to make up in the northeastern part of Tennessee and the middle part of Mississippi. Our day started early to me at the ungodly hour, around 4:00 a.m. This is when we left the house and headed for a 45 minute drive to the truck. I still find it amazing what lengths I will go to to spend the day with trucker. Needless to say we drove in silence for that 45 minutes as neither mine nor trucker's coffee had kicked in yet.

The drive through Tennessee is beautiful with the route we took. Trucker has to take a lot of two lane roads to get to his destinations really he is avoiding the weight scales, but shush about it. To me those two lanes are much more scenic and fun to drive. We get to see a lot of nature and beautiful country side this way. Deers coming out for fresh food in the early light of dawn. Naturally I had forgotten the camera yet again. I swear I am gonna glue that puppy to my wrist. I did have the cell phone and took some pics with it, but damn they didn't turn out.

Since trucker's Sirius radio is on the fritz again we spent the majority of this time out joy riding working just talking. Sirius is really starting to tick me off about their equipment. They are sending a new radio out for the third time now. At least we aren't having to pay for it, but the pain and suffering of not having it to listen to is very hard. Trucker is I really believe going through withdrawals as he hasn't been able to listen to Nascar Radio in over a week. You know this might explain his sour demeanor with me yesterday.

Like I said the day started really well seeing the countryside and taking it all in. Most mornings I am damn sure not awake at that time of day.

By afternoon,after heading into Mississippi, our talks was turning from fun and lighthearted chat into more of a confessional type therapy session. The fun had went out of it all. Still we continued on with our session. You know how these type of conversations go, one thing leads to another and another and so it goes. However I couldn't stop myself. Why oh why couldn't I have just kept my damn mouth shut? Oh don't think for one minute I wasn't giving thought to all things we were discussing or what I was asking or even talking about, but for the life of me I just couldn't shut the hell up. Before trucker and I ever married we had talked about how we would always be honest and up front with one another. We would hold nothing back, keep nothing to ourselves and talk till blue in the face about anything that might be bothering us. Now I wonder if that was a big screw up. We somehow ended up on the topic of our kids and how we, trucker and I, have different views on many aspects of child raising, discipline and things of this nature. How I feel that teaching children to respect things and people is important and how they don't need things till they learn respect for other people's property and items. Now I'm not saying trucker doesn't teach those things but we have much different views of how to teach this respect. And so the therapy went..............................

Neither of us ever got angry, raised our voices or got upset really about anything we were discussing. In fact we actually had some laughs over some of it and lightened the mood a little for a short period of time anyway. I have said it before and I will say it again "Blending two families is freaking hard" but somehow and some way it's all worth it. Never for one minute think it's easy peasy to do. Or even fun to do sometimes but if you love each other it is worth it. I keep telling myself this on a daily basis.

Now the truth comes out! In the course of said therapy session I made the mistake of asking a question of trucker. Did I expect an honest answer? Not really. However I got one anyway. I asked if he had ever regretted asking me to marry him in the two years we have been married. What the fuck did I ask this question for? Someone please tell me what my idiotic brain was thinking? His answer was honest, to freaking honest. His answer "Yes, for a while I thought you were a real bitch". My chin dropped, I almost cried, I bit my lip and held tight. I responded "Well don't feel like the lone ranger here cause I did to".

So unless you want a really honest answer FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T ASK A REALLY STUPID QUESTION.

Therapy session was closed then and we didn't charge each other a dime.


QueenofPlanetHotflash said...

aawww man a truth session, darlin you have to remember men can be so truthful when it comes to being thoughtless and it doesn't hurt them. Bless your heart for wanting to be open and honest with him.

Heather said...

I guess deep down sometimes we ask questions like that really hoping our men will tell us something truly uplifting, even if it is not true (like the "Do I look fat" question). I hope your therapy session strengthened your love and marriage.

Treasia said...

Queen-I keep reminding myself that he is honest regardless of feelings, at least with me. Everyone else gets a lie if need be.

Heather-I am hoping it strengthens it as well. Right now to be honest, not really sure. I'm still in shock and still very much hurt.

Mental P Mama said...

Damn Sirius. It's all their fault. Don't be hurt...would you really want a lie? And I don't know anybody who's been married longer than a week who doesn't stop every once and a while and say "What was I thinking?"

Be good to yourself, and each other. Love, Mental Mama

TSannie said...

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Don't know a marriage, short or long that hasn't had a question asked that should Never have been asked, let alone answered honestly. Too bad most men don't know the beauty of the "little white lie."

Keep on lovin' each other - not easy, but sounds like it's worth it for you two.

Jennifer H said...

Damn Sirius, indeed. Ouch.

At least you were honest back. But, to think, you could have been back at home, still asleep. :-)

Treasia said...

Mental P-It is all Sirius's fault isn't it?

tsannie-Sometimes little white lies is better I think. But we made that damn vow never to lie. Curses on me. lol.

Jennifer-You're right, I could've been sleeping. Wish I were at the time.